Gomel to Minsk to Maladitchny to Gomel via train

While we were still in our pajamas, Tanya sent her brother to the train station to buy our tickets for Minsk. I was amazed, with just the asking, he went. Instantly my Kolya fever grew. He was the perfect slave. I was so impressed. I asked Tanya where I could buy one. She laughed. I had to ask myself, was there any truth in my jest? Tanya and I stayed snug at home drinking tea and gossiping, while Kolya went out into the cold and bought our tickets for us.

It seemed as if we were just killing time for the rest of the day. Our train was scheduled to depart at 10:00 PM, so we packed, and I finished yet another book. We ate (what else is new) and Tanya played more solitaire on the computer.

At 9:00, we were off on our first Russian adventure. Tanya's mother worried about us, and she made Kolya come with us. Having a slave is one thing, but a bodyguard is a whole other kettle of fish. It seemed as if our first steps of adventure were going to be chaperoned by a tall stern looking man in leather. (I am only half complaining here!)

While we were waiting for the trolley bus, a man came up to us. I thought that he was a drunk, and I hunched my shoulders, and pulled my turtle fur down over my ears. I was in my axe murderer outfit, and Tanya was in her mink. To my surprise, the drunk started talking to Kolya, and then he reached over to shake my hand. He simply nodded to Tanya. Then he continued his conversation with Kolya. That was when Tanya leaned to me in the darkness of the night and whispered "He thinks that you are a man, that is why he shook your hand." she giggled, and I mumbled "Fornicate" (well something of similar meaning) It was obvious to me this early on in my time in Belarus, I was not going to get lucky. I sighed, and hitched my beggar's bag up on my shoulder and tried to look masculine. After all, I had an image to portray.

The train was waiting at the station. Al that we had to do was show our tickets and find our seats/beds. The soviet trains are huge. I am not sure of the scale, but the easily dwarf any train that I have seen. The arrangement that we has was an open berth in a common car. There were four berths facing each other, and another two across the aisle. So effectively, we would have been seated with six people. But there was only one strange lady that looked like a potato across from us. We could stow our gear underneath my bunk. (obviously, I was on the bottom) And then we could purchase bedding from the attendant. Our tickets (round trip) cost $4.00 each. (yes, that is four dollars, for an eight hour journey) And the bedding was about $1.00. The whole trip was good value for money as far as I was concerned. And when you bought bedding, they also gave you soap and loo paper!! I was amazed, and shocked. I am saving my former Soviet loo paper (one step above industrial paper towels) for the future. The potato woman who was sitting across from us didn't buy bedding, and I felt guilty as we snuggled under our clean sheets and slightly dirty blankets. My pillow was functional, but I had to wonder how many heads had slept on it in its twenty years of service to the railroad. The potato woman pulled her jacket over herself and went to sleep. Oh well, at least she saved a dollar.

Thursday 30 January

The train was cold. It affected my sleep. During the night, between moments of dozing, I heard passengers getting on and off at stations along the way. It was dream like, because as they muttered in Russian to each other, I felt that I had been transported to another place and another time. You can't help but feel reminiscent of Europe past when you travel by these monster trains. Because everything that I had read or seen in reference to European history revolved around travel by rail. I could imagine a hundred years ago as if it were yesterday when I am on a soviet train. I was awake in the morning early enough to see the other passengers get up and start their day. I knew from an experience during the night that it would be wise to skip a trip to the bathroom. The politically correct phrase to describe the bathroom would be to call it hygienically challenged. The potato on the berth next to me was up and munching away on what looked like a bit of unrecognizable breakfast. I tried to make eye contact, but she seemed vacant. I pulled on Tanya's leg, and soon she was up and dashing to the loo. Actually, she was dashing to go and stand in line for the loo. I need to warn you though, the Russian trains lock their bathrooms when the train is 15 minuets away from a town. Something about human waste on the tracks.... How thoughtful of them...


Having painted THAT mental picture, I guess that it is time to get off the train and talk about Minsk. The train was on time, and it pulled into a large train station. Tanya and I got off and took a deep breath of the freezing air that surrounded us. It was cold that day. We needed to find a train to Maladitchnya. That shouldn't be a problem right? Well, in the 15 minuets that we were trying to find the train, two came and went. Tanya and I were left standing in the cold at 7:00 in the morning. We had decided that we should go directly to her aunt's house that morning. Maladitchnya is two hours by train from Minsk. But, since we missed the early trains, it meant that we would b catching a much later train, and it seemed as if our (my) plans were a complete waste of time. But I was exhausted, and a bit overwhelmed. Tanya was a good sport of it, and at 8:24, we were on a train headed northbound to our final destination. A word about this two-hour train, it takes two hours because it only travels about 15 miles an hour. There were times when we were on the train when I wanted to get out and push to make it go faster.

We were an hour off schedule when we arrived at the station. Tanya's Aunt Nadia was very excited about us coming, and she had been waiting at the station. The only problem was, we didn't really know what she looked like. It had been years since Tanya last saw her. As we started walking around a very modern train platform, an elderly woman came to us. She was followed by a large, dark man who seemed rather ominous. Tanya just said, "I think that is my aunt." And as the little lady scuttled towards us, she broke into a smile. This was my first sighting of Tanya's mother's sister, the now famous (in my life) Tchte Nadia. The man, I was to learn, although he never even looked at me, was Nadia's son in law, Sasha. Now, a word about the name Sasha. It is short for Alexander, and it seems as if Alexander is the most popular name in Belarus, as you will hear the name quite a bit (there will be four times of mention during my trip. You, the reader have so far met two.). This Sasha silently loaded us into his white Lada, and drove us to our destination.

Nadia and her husband moved a few years ago from a village where he was a teacher to the city. The have a standard three room Soviet flat. And as we walked into the house, I saw, that we were not going to have a quiet morning. Nadia had gathered all of her family for our arrival. I was confused as to who all of the people were, but there was a little child. It looked to be about three and when I asked what his name was, Tanya laughed and said AOlga." So, his name was Olga. Then I looked a little closer at her, and she fit her name. So, I was a bit confused. I am staggered by how much sugar the Russians consume. When the family told me that Olga liked to drink hot tea, I was shocked. But then I realized that it was really sugar water. I struggled to understand the obsession with sugar that the Russians have. Passed along to Olga from her Grandmother Nadia was a bag of sweets. Just before the rest of the household was going to sit down for a six course brunch. Olga was dismissed, she ran off to another part of the room and ate her sweets in quiet.

So, I sat in a living room in Maladitchnya, and at 10:30 in the morning, they were laying out a TABLE. A table is a time-honored tradition in Russia, and it does not matter what time of day it is. There were bowls of food and platters of dried fish, plates of chicken, pickles, Potatoes and the ever-present VODKA. The custom is to drink, and no matter what time it is, you must drink. After the first three shots of Vodka, they go easy on you and allow you to drink the rest of the shots as wine. either way, I realized that I would be leaving the country as a fat alcoholic. The whole time that we were seated at the table, food was passed to me, if it wasn't chicken or fish, it was mushrooms or peppers.

Nadia first uttered her famous words, "Yesh, Yesh" she wanted me to eat, and then eat some more, and then eat again. Her husband simply kept filling my glass. (not with water) The whole family ate and listened to Tanya speak about the family back in Gomel, and life in London. After stuffing myself excessively on food that I could not even identify, I was allowed to go to bed. It was the second time that a married couple would give up their beds for us. Tanya and I were given Nadia and her husband's twin beds, and she and her husband were to sleep together on the sofa.

After a few hours of sleep, I ventured out to the living room and checked on how Tanya was holding up. She seemed in deep conversation with her cousin, (Olga's mother, named TANYA) As I staggered into the living room, Nadia jumped up and started cooking something for me to eat. She was sure that I must be hungry. I wanted to crawl under the table. Tanya laughed, and said that in Russia, you are not considered a good guest unless you eat a lot of food. I asked her to qualify what exactly a lot of food was.... She just laughed at me. I played with Olga, showed the family the pictures on the computer and all was well. Nadia cooked some more food for me, and I dreamed of finding a printer cable in Minsk the next day. Olga was happy, she had a large play friend. And I was happy, because I finally found someone who couldn't speak properly either. She had an excuse, she was only three years old.

Friday 31 January

I woke up to the sound of Nadia cooking. She wasn't sure what an American would eat, so she cooked a huge troth of Kasha without salt and put it on the table in front of me. Should I point out now that the type of kasha that they use in Belarus is like that which we make dog food from. I was scratching and thinking of chewing on leather all day. When we first arrived, I pulled out my ziplock bag of coffee and tea. And when I made myself a cup of coffee, I left the bag on the table. Big mistake. A helpful hint when traveling is to pack a lot of zip lock bags. They come in handy against spillage, encase dirty underwear, and they are great for the spur of the moment drug deal. But in Belarus, they are a scarce commodity, and when I looked again on the table, my cute little bag was gone, and replaced by a large oft washed soviet baggie. I laughed and showed Tanya. She had seen someone earlier with a baggie and wondered where they had bought it. Oh well. Tanya had the surprise of the day, when she was showing her pictures of London. There is one of Possum in her natural habitat (the fridge) and in the photo, the fridge is wide open. Tanya's cousin just had to keep the picture of a western fridge, it was amazing to them to see so much food. I laughed and thought of how much they eat, they just don't refrigerate it. Enough about food, on to Minsk!! Just don't forget Auntie Nadia, "YESH, YESH!" I still have nightmares about it.

I got to experience another trolley bus, And a twenty minute walk through the snow of Maladitchnya. Tanya and I took the 8:00 am commuter train to Minsk, and then we just sat in an unheated train and watched as people looked at us. Kind of a mobile freak show. The fashion police ere in full force, playing spot the bleached blond, and we passed the time quickly.

Our mission when we got to Minsk was to get to the American Embassy, buy a printer cable and then find Nossum Eckhardt. (Maybe Nadia could feed him) We stumbled around looking for a map of Minsk and after a while, we found one. The American embassy was not on the map, and it looked like it was far far away. When we decided on getting a taxi, Tanya just held out her hand and there before us was a Volvo. Perfect timing. We got dropped at the German embassy first, and tried to get information on getting a visa for Tanya. No go, you can't even get through the door if you don't have a n invitation. Then, we were trudging down the street to the American embassy. I was starting to get excited, the thought of speaking to someone with the same accent as I have was just a bit too much for me, and when I saw old Glory flying in the breeze, I felt downright patriotic. As we stepped up to the security barracks, though, my bubble was burst. It was manned by Russians. There was a man names Scott behind me from the mid west, but he was dressed like a Russian, I ignored him and dreamed of a bureaucratic heaven that awaited me. We were led through the courtyard, where I wearing a maniacal grin said hello to a small man walking to us. He doffed his hat and sad a formal English AHello." I thought to myself fornicate, he is British, I have heard that enough. Then we entered the building. On the outside, it was a beautiful Georgian converted mansion. But I was pleased to find that on the inside it was institutional grey. It even had cheap government chairs. I was right at home. Just as I was practicing my Ahey how are you" for the Ambassador, a small Russian woman asked if she could help me. I started at her dumbly. A Russian woman? Where are all of the life time bureaucrats from Iowa? Where are the people who got out of The grind in Washington? Where were our diplomatic corps? I was shocked and crestfallen. I forgot all of the questions that I wanted to ask, and I started writing a mental letter to Bill Clinton. This was a travesty. No American's in sight. Meanwhile, I was jealous... Where the hell was this Scott guy who was behind us in line? Who was he seeing? I imagined him sitting by the fire with the ambassador eating Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches with Ben and Jerry's ice cream for desert. Yet there I stood, in an American room, surrounded by Russians. Tanya and I left and decided to look for a printer cable.

Snow makes any city glisten, and Minsk looked beautiful, but it was cold. As we walked and looked at the map, we saw that there was a computer land on the map, and it seemed near by. There was hope on the horizon, at least I would have a printer. We had a bit of a navigational problem, as I am adept at map reading, but I do not read Cyrillic, and Tanya is adept at Cyrillic, but not so hot on the map subject. We had an argument, Tanya was right (I concede) and we came a bit closer to computer land.

Now, one of our quests is not for the holy grail per SE, but for a bodum coffee press. We forgot to buy one in London, and were hard pressed to find one in Russia. As we searched, we knew that one would turn up, and as we entered a dusty shop, and climbed to the second floor, there one stood, on a shelf. I was close enough to almost touch it. But as I reached for the grail, a Russian man yelled at me. The store was not open. Nothing was for sale. Now, I just had to ask, since when had something not been for sale in Russia. I laughed and told Tanya to speak to him, all that we wanted to do was buy the coffee pot. But he was stoic, NOTHING WAS FOR SALE. I was amazed. And so we left it, knowing that there must be more in this capital of Belarus. Anyhow, the morning was still young, and we had a printer cable to get and Nossum to find.

I stopped and took some pictures of a couple of the thousands of monuments that we were to see, and then we walked, and walked. It was cold, so the distance seemed so much longer. Finally, by mistake, we stumbled across, you got it... COMPUTER LAND! I ran in through the doors, ripped off my turtle fur and breathed in deep the smell of plastic. We had arrived. There in a corner was a case, and at the bottom of the case was a printer cable. I was happy. The sales clerk came over and sold us a cable after trying to see us a whole lot of other stuff, and we made our five dollar purchase, but it was priceless as far as I was concerned. But I was perplexed, it didn't feel right. I started looking around at the backs of printers, and comparing them to the cable in my hand. A I looked, I felt even stranger. Then a man came to me and asked, "Is there a problem?" I looked deep into his blue eyes and answered AI think so." His English was good. I explained that I just didn't feel right about this cable, and asked him if he had a Canon Bubblejet there so that I could test it. He said no, but it was the wrong kind of cable, and if I waited, he would get me the proper one. I felt a rush of relief. I didn't want to be disappointed after all of this effort.

So, with a new printer cable stuffed in my bag, I followed Tanya out to the street. It was time to find a restaurant. That shouldn't be so hard, we had a map. But I forgot that we were in Russia. And there were restaurants, but none seemed to be open. We tried and tried, and I got crankier and crankier. I really don't know how Tanya put up with me. Finally, I saw a sign for a restaurant. I said, Awe are going there" Tanya said ok. I led our journey across the street to a large white fairly modern building. And as we walked through the modern, clean door way, we saw that we had entered the mother of all adult entertainment complexes. A real Russian Strip club (that also served food) The dark men that were manning reception said that we had to leave our jackets. I looked at the life-sized cut out picture of a stripper that was facing me, then I looked at Tanya. All that I could say was "Not your mink." And we walked out.

I humbly realized that Tanya knew what she was talking about, and together we set off to find another restaurant. Halfway up a hill, in what looked like an abandoned building (glass from the door had been broken out and replaced by plywood) there was a sign "Restaurant". I took one look at the door and said, "It's closed, just our luck" Tanya pulled on the other door, and it opened. She led me into the darkened building. Just when I felt some smart assed American comments fly out of my mouth, we opened another door and were standing in the large dining room of a cafeteria. There was cold food displayed on the tables before us, and a hot buffet around the corner. I sheepishly followed Tanya to the hot buffet. It was at this restaurant that I discovered something that was to be a Major part of my trip! Stuffed Cabbage. I noticed that there were some available on the cold food tables, and I mentioned to Tanya that I loved Stuffed Cabbage. She promised that her mother would make some. And so, I looked forward to food that I would soon enjoy.